crystalschronicled | Member Posts

One of my favorite AUs of all time is a good werewolf AU. I'm working on one now where I'm tempted to go for the typically fluffy smutfest behavior I so enjoy not in moderation, but how much more satisfying could I make it without making bad choices based on stupid concepts like 'pure fluff is better without smut'? The easy peasy answer that took me forever is to lean into the loss of humanity and how much of someone's identity isn't actually rooted in it. I wrote a character dragging a bedroll into some cold ass forest because his partner decided to sleep in the woods due to guilt over his animalistic tendencies. There's acknowledgement that the madness of a beast would take over if they ran, resulting in their demise, too. The cure for lycanthropic depression ended up being a healthy dose of being loved for things that couldn't be taken away so easily and someone deciding they're worth being brave for. It's sweet and I'm glad I found a new way to enjoy my favorite trope.

Current Mood: uwu
Current Music: Nutopia by Dreamfibre

lavenderclavat

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Current Mood: uncomfortable
Current Music: The Unknowing by Jfarrari

lavenderclavat

I've been having nightmares almost constantly, but this is the 5th night in a row. It ruins my sleep every time and they've all been about the past. Abstraction is the name of the game with dreams, so it's not like a one-for-one playback. Mostly symbolic like forcing me to beg for help when no one can hear me. Some are so distressing and worst of all they keep taking me back to that house. It is bulldozed, gone, and there's few photos but I still have nightmares about it. I'm still there, roaming the halls, trying to just survive.

I'd give just about anything to stop dreaming. I just want to sleep. I want to close my eyes and sit in the void until I wake up. I don't want to go back to that house I left for a reason. Just let me sleep.

Current Mood: exhausted

lavenderclavat

I never mean to lash out. Once I'm done being angry like yesterday, I'm pretty worn out emotionally. I'm not a very healthy person. It's not surprising to me or anyone who knows me given how I'd been raised and whatnot, but stressing myself out like that has adverse effects on my wellbeing. I am a very angry person who desperately needs to be less angry and I'm working on that. In therapy, in my free time, and everywhere I find myself tested and tried. I don't always win, as can be clearly seen, but I always feel bad afterwards.

Coming down from these fits of rage is rough. Migraines, physical fatigue, and brain fog are the most obvious issues. I spent maybe an hour after major crashouts just recovering from them physically. Lately it has been so much worse. I feel like a dog with rage syndrome. Whoever the person is that gets so worked up over something so weirdly specific doesn't feel like me. I don't get them. I don't understand them. They operate on pure instinct and lash out in ways I don't want to. They don't care how I feel or what happens after, I think.

All-in-all, I'm so tired today I want to cry. I don't need sleep. It's the kind of exhaustion that's nothing but pain and weight deep in my being and bones. I'm so tired. I don't want to do anything, be anyone, or acknowledge the world in a meaningful way. Partaking in existence sounds even more exhausting. I just want to curl up in the dark and lay there in my own small eternity.

Current Mood: depressed

lavenderclavat

I hate AI. Let me start there. I loathe it. Once upon a time, I had nothing but high hopes for our would-be digital companion, innocent and blind to corporate greed, but that ended many many years ago before it was as demanding and annoying as it is now. Everything is tainted. AI enhance is today's flavor of poison because it fucked with my archive.

I run a very small, personal archive: Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: The Crystal Bearers. I have so much packed away into that so I need multiple storage mediums. I'm always looking around places the devs would not want me, adding whatever fanfiction I can get my hands on, and have made it my personal mission to grab every single piece of fanart still out there all for this archive. Am I going to post all of that fan content? No. Absolutely not. Does not matter, though, because I have effectively created something similar to a time capsule for fandom surrounding this one single game.

So imagine my absolute shock, horror, and disgust when I find AI enhanced images in it. A game from 2009 with AI enhanced images feels like a sin. I mistakenly believed no one really caring about this niche thing would save it from the taint of AI. But no and now I have to go through and verify every single image in my collection. Every. Single. One. Because AI destroys anything worth loving by needlessly butchering it for fuckall reasoning. I genuinely do not know why someone felt the need to use AI to enhance their screenshots, but they did and it doesn't even look good.

The eyes are the worst offenders here because AI just shoved TCB off the ledge and right into the uncanny valley.

So behold LAIL, icon of my grief and annoyance. I hope he conveys my disappointment well.